What are limiting beliefs?
Limiting beliefs are beliefs we have about ourselves and the world. Also referred to as self-limiting beliefs, or self imposed limitations, these are not “the sky’s the limit” type of beliefs, but the opposite of that.
Limiting beliefs often start with “I am not…” or “I can’t ….” or “I will never ….” and usually state that you cannot do something. Take a look at some
Examples of limiting beliefs:
I am not flexible.
I can’t write.
I am not photogenic.
I’m not good at math.
I will never make it as an artist.
I don’t have time.
All good men are taken.
I don’t have what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur.
I like to think of limiting beliefs as putting yourself into a box, and then putting a label on top of it. I’ll illustrate that with a story in a little bit.
Characteristics of limiting beliefs:
First of all, limiting beliefs are usually FALSE.
For example, if you didn’t do well in math at school, it doesn’t mean you are not good at it. You were probably one of twenty-some students in the class and the teacher could not have possibly given you individual attention. If you had a private tutor who had poured time and energy into you to make sure you understood the material, the outcome of the math situation might have been different.
On top of that, if you actually got excited about math and practiced a lot, would you still say you are not good at math? Of course not! You would have evidence that would confirm the “I’m good at math” narrative.
Therefore, the statement “I”m not good at math” is simply not accurate and not true because the amount of INPUT was not adequate for a different result.
The second reason limiting beliefs suck is because they affect how we manifest and we end up MANIFESTING more of the NONSENSE that we actually don’t want!
For example, just because online dating hasn’t been working out for you, does not mean that all men on dating apps are jerks. I know it’s hard to remain positive when life has shown you over and over again the evidence of the contrary, but… In a situation like this I’d prefer to avoid using a limiting belief statement of “all men are jerks”, because then my language and thinking manifest more of that into my life.
The third characteristic of limiting beliefs is that they KEEP YOU SAFE. It sounds like a good thing, but it’s not. Everything worth having lies on the other side of discomfort and fear.
If you want to live wholeheartedly, as Brene Brown says, there will be friction. Friction of hard work, facing fears and showing up. If you keep listening to the voice of limiting beliefs, you won’t get anywhere. In a little bit we will uncover the true nature of limiting beliefs that will make it easier to overcome them.
The good news about limiting beliefs is that, just like a sticker you put on a journal or a label you affix to a box, they can be removed. Some are easier to peel off, while others are nasty clingers that will require some spiritual Goo-gone to be rid of permanently.
Check out my story.
While growing up in the Soviet Union, many of my classmates in elementary school went to a music school. There, for years, several times a week, they learned to play piano. As a daughter of a busy teacher of physics and astronomy, I signed myself up for dance lessons and started going to dance school.
When at a certain point, my mom asked me if I wanted to play piano, I told her: I have dance four times a week, when can I possibly play piano? (Seriously, what else was i doing at the age of 8, i could’ve fit in ten more activities!) Other parents didn’t ask their kids, they just made them go there. My mom asked, and I turned out that opportunity.
Somewhere along the way, I started perceiving people who knew how to play a musical instrument as talented. I never learned how to play piano, therefore, I had no talent. This limiting belief of “I’m not talented” = “I am not creative” stayed with me for years.
This brings us to the next point,
Where do limiting beliefs come from?
Limiting beliefs can come from anywhere. As I observe my daughters, 9 and 7, interact, I notice some labeling in the way they speak. “Oh, I can’t jump high”, “I’m a slow reader”, or “I’m not flexible”.
As they are growing up and making sense of the world AND themselves, labeling helps them understand where they belong (I’m not a scientist, don’t quote me on that).
I am also pretty certain that many of the labels they stick on themselves are the ones their mommy or daddy wear.
Just like in the story above, my limiting belief formed in childhood. I have made a false connection in my mind between being able to play a musical instrument (something that requires owning a musical instrument, skill, discipline, thoughtful instruction, or having someone who can teach you, AND constant practice) with talent. I then managed to extrapolate from the “I’m not talented” to “I cannot create”, because, again, I made an erroneous assumption that you MUST posses talent in order to create.
Thinking about all of this logically now is one thing. HAVING PROOF that it is not true because I became a self-taught photographer and create what others call stunning images is living proof that I CAN CREATE.
Some people say I have a gift, but i don’t know if it is so. The skills in photography came to me because I was seeking out ways to learn, practiced, read, attended workshops, did lots of photoshoots and that’s how I got to where I am today.
Talent usually accounts for about 2% of what determines the outcome of a situation. So if “I’m not talented” or “I’m not creative” is holding you back from trying your hand at something you feel drawn to, I urge you to stop it right now.
Limiting beliefs can also come from “well wishers” who might have dropped a careless comment about you.
A friend of mine confided that she always wanted to play guitar. When she was a kid and she went to the only music teacher in the only music school in her town, the teacher carelessly took her hand, sifted through her fingers, and said, “No, your fingers are too weak for guitar. You can’t play it. I can offer you a balalaika instead.”
That little girl grew up, she is now 34, and still carries the hurtful words of an insensitive teacher with her.
Life itself sometimes gives us numerous situations that are evidence of that thing. To preserve energy, we create a label “I’m this or that” and carry it around as a badge of honor. But again, it all comes back to manifestation, and if that’s what we start to believe and say, we will see more evidence of it.
How to overcome limiting beliefs.
The first step in overcoming a limiting belief is AWARENESS that it is limiting you.
Just like in overcoming addiction and getting sober, the first step is admitting that you have a problem. This step is usually the hardest because it requires SEEING.
It is usually hard to have awareness because in a way, you must rise above the situation to be able to see it. And since we tend to get mired in our problems, it takes some courage and practice to do that. It wasn’t right away that I realized that I was using the phrase “I’m not creative” as a shield.
Which brings us to the next section.
To overcome a limiting belief, recognize it for what it is and what it does:
A limiting belief wants to be your friend. It wants to keep you safe. It wants to prevent you from falling on your face and embarrassing yourself. It’s like a thick padded blanket that you wrap yourself in AND THEN stick a label on yourself: I am not creative. Therefore, don’t ask me to get vulnerable and make something that others will laugh at. Save me the embarrassment by putting me in a category that doesn’t get asked to create.
Seeing a limiting belief with such compassion, understanding that it is not an enemy, it just really wants to keep you out of harm’s way is a beautiful way to reframe it.
A side note:
Some thoughts/beliefs you have about yourself may be true… If you are naturally more inclined toward something, or are naturally not good at something, RECOGNIZING that quality is so empowering. Knowing that something is not your strength gives you the power to rearrange the way you distribute energy, outsource that thing if you can, or learn how to live with it to focus on things you are good at. The important thing here, is to use empowering language.
How can you tell an empowering statement from a limiting belief? A limiting belief carries a different vibe with it… It is almost as if you know you are supposed to be doing the thing that lies on the other side of effort and hard work, and there is an enormous amount of fear associated with it. With an empowering statement, there is calmness, and power associated with deep knowing of yourself.
Actionable steps to overcome limiting beliefs
- Write it out – from a voice in your head to a story you’ve been telling yourself.
- Surround yourself with the right people and community.
- Baby steps to build confidence and fight fear.
- Release all expectations before you begin
- Create a new persona and step into her.
- Flood yourself with motivational content: podcasts, books, videos.
- Use affirmations to plant new beliefs.
Let’s take a look at each one of these items up close.
Write it Out – Get That Voice Out of Your Head
A limiting belief is a little voice inside your head. Dress in all white, with a halo made of wire and cheap plastic wings, it is actually playing a devil’s advocate. It tries to be your friend but prevents you from stepping into your fullest expression. When the voice lives inside your head, you start perceiving what it says as reality.
If you take out a piece of paper and write down what that voice is telling you, you can start seeing it as a story instead. Just like a story I was telling myself about not being creative because I didn’t know how to play piano.
Show the story aka what the voice tells you to a trusted friend, therapist, life coach. Together you might be able to see what’s real.
When I finally became aware of my limiting belief “I am not talented, I am not creative and therefore I cannot do photography”, it was life changing! The thing I did not mention is that I had been drawn to photography since my early twenties.
I would spend my last college money on fashion magazines and would pore over the images. I wouldn’t even read the articles! And it wasn’t my desire to be a super model. It was these photographs, photos of gorgeous models, their faces, the shadows, colors, that pulled me in and fascinated me.
I remember years later, when someone would ask me what I liked, I would tell them that I was drawn to photography. I even went to a local college to research a degree in Photography (because later I adopted another belief that “you need a degree/certification to practice art”)
The huge step in my overcoming my limiting belief was my neighbor Kimberly. I told her about my dreams and fears and she told me, “Why don’t you buy a digital camera and try it?”
Such a simple suggestions in response to years and years of mulling over, overthinking and being afraid. So simple yet so profound.
It brings me to another powerful step in how to overcome your limiting beliefs:
Surround Yourself With the Right People
Surround yourself with the right people. It can be people who are more aware than you, more experienced in the field you feel drawn to, people you trust and respect who have achieved something. Building a community around yourself is going to be instrumental in your success in life.
The next step is also difficult because we are moving away from thinking and conceptualizing to DOING.
Small Actionable Steps Despite Fear to Build Confidence.
The best remedy for fear is ACTION. Do it scared. There’s even a book about that!
As someone who was drawn to photography, my first steps were to buy a digital camera. Seems simple, right? But from budgetary constraints to all the different makes and types, what do you choose? I did my research and ended up buying the same thing my neighbor Kimberly had (she is an entrepreneur, blogger, food photographer). The camera and accessories cost me about $600. Done.
When that fancy camera came to my doorstep in an Amazon box, I was excited and overwhelmed. Finally, I can be a part of the photography world. But how in the world can I learn to use this thing with lots of buttons and dials?
To make this part easier for myself, I signed up for two classes at a local art school: Basics of Digital Photography and Introduction to Photoshop. Classes were held in person and one of my teachers looked like Santa Claus. Both classes taught me some basics and gave me confidence and encouragement to continue.
It was during the classes with Santa, who gave us assignments to photograph portraits, that I fell in love with photographing people. It was after doing photoshoots with a friend and my husband in an attempt to practice AND then seeing their reactions to the final photos that I knew I was hooked.
Going into exploring photography, what helped a lot was not having any expectations. I had no timeline, I had no idea of how this photography journey was supposed to look like, I just went with it.
Releasing Expectations
Letting go of attachment to outcome and releasing notions of how things “should be” is so liberating. Your journey is unique to you, therefore, don’t compare yourself to others.
Scientist say that we compare ourselves to others to quickly gauge how we are doing. Are we similar to everyone else, are we better, are we worse? The problem is that we rarely take into consideration the other, “invisible” factors. I remember comparing myself to other photographers on Instagram, or thinking that I need an art degree to be a “real” photographer.
The best tip here would be to stay in your lane, focus on what you need to do, and chip away. Stay curious without expectations and see where the journey leads you!
Creating a Persona to Become The Most Amazing Version of You
Another thing that helped me step into my artist was creating an alter ego persona for the person I wanted to become.
The truth is, the persona had already been created a couple years ago. One time I met a woman who impressed me so much with her confidence, her ability to hold everyone’s attention and to captivate the room, that I named my alter ego after her – Francesca. She struck me so much with the power that she had that I wanted to become her.
Francesca was confident, spoke unrushed, and possessed the air about her that made everyone stop and hang onto her every word. And when it was time for me to choose a name for my photography business, I wanted two words to be a part of it: Francesca – my alter ego name, and “bliss” – which is what I experienced when I did photography. My friend suggested the name Francesca Bliss.
I was scared because I would be a double impostor – not a real artist AND using a fake name. But I went with it. Some may say that having an alter ego/artist name is pretending to be someone else, or hiding behind a name. For me it was the opposite. For me it was stepping into my power more fully. Because Francesca wasn’t afraid. Francesca could wear and be whatever she wanted to be that day and she didn’t care about what other people would say. If she woke up one day and decided to become whatever, she would and she would have no qualms about it, no impostor syndrome, and nobody, I repeat nobody would doubt her ability because ot the way she carried herself and that inner confidence and power that radiated twelve feet out of body.
Having that alter ego persona, that artist. Francesca Bliss, allowed me to step into her, if only in my thoughts and when scripting scenarios for possible interactions. Channeling my inner artist while for a time setting aside my self-imposed limitations and fears, helped me blossom into the artist I am today.
Flood Yourself With Positivity
Overcoming limiting beliefs is essentially work in changing how you think, changing your subconscious beliefs. Therefore, immersing yourself in positivity and inspiring, motivational content is the way to go. I love listening to podcasts and reading books to accomplish that.
The only word of caution I have about consuming motivational content is this. Be sure to dedicate some time to the DOING as well as learning about doing, which is what we do when we read and watch others talk about it. Unless you take action, and do stuff, you will not get far. I like to listen to podcasts when I drive or go for a walk, while at other times, when I can, I focus on doing.
As part of flooding yourself with positivity, visual affirmations are great everyday reminders. I created these sticker affirmations for women that don’t allow me to forget the divine power that is within me. Women like to put them on laptops, journals, water bottles, and so on.
You can also write down positive affirmations and read them aloud daily. The important thing is not just to say them aloud, but to attach some emotion, feeling, or faith to these statements.
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs is a Way to More Joy in Life
Self-limiting beliefs often hold us back from living in our fullest expression. Many of the things we believe are not fully accurate, or may have been acquired as a result of someone’s negative comment. Challenging limiting beliefs is a great way to free yourself and fully step into living your life’s purpose.
It is stepping more fully into becoming the person you were meant to be, the person the Universe, God, Life wants you to be. It is stepping into your power so you can fully share your gifts and live a life filled with meaning and JOY.
The steps in overcoming limiting beliefs are surrounding yourself with the right people, taking small actionable steps to build self-confidence, surrounding yourself with the right resources and tools to achieve whatever you set out to achieve.
On a personal note, overcoming a self-limiting belief of “I’m not creative” opened the door to a world of art and transformed my life. I am a firm believer that the reason I was able to overcome my alcoholism addiction this time around was because of art!
The void that I used to fill up with alcohol got filled up with creativity and allowed me to be and feel whole, and complete. As if creativity healed that gap that was within me and allowed me to get in touch with MYSELF, what’s important for me, WHO I AM.
Overcoming made up stories of the mind, one thought at a time, we can step more fully into who we are. Aside from being a mother and wife, an entrepreneur, I get to make art, create, and that gives me so much JOY and I want the same for you. ♥